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just woke up from a recurring dream

May. 19th, 2010 | 01:07 am

in my dreams a man takes my hand and we walk barefoot down wooden stairs. i find myself face to face with him at the last step - i'm a step above him but we are nearly eye level. it's too dark to see him clearly. my hair is long, like it always used to be, and it takes a moment for the movement of it to settle at my hips. i close my eyes because i can tell he wants me to. i feel the familiar gentleness of his hand brushing my cheek, and he runs his thumb across my mouth. he begins to touch me and it feels like he's dressing me in cold war paint, it feels like a ritual even though it's always the first time. i can nearly taste his skin at the corner of my lips. he gently parts my mouth with his fingers. i want him to so badly. he puts his fingers in my mouth and strokes my tongue and i feel like i would do anything to make this moment last forever. he presses down just before he reaches my throat, just barely gagging me. for some reason i never, ever, want the feeling to end. i want to drink him. he stops, and again goes back to touching my face, my neck, my shoulders, the backs of my hands. i get the feeling that where he is touching me i will never be the same. i can feel everywhere his eyes are pausing on my body, because his gaze leaves a trail of coolness. i have one very clear and specific thought, and it's that everything he barely lays a whisper to sings him back an entire song. but i don't want to sing to him. i want to be the song.

he's more sure of himself than i am. his hands fall and his eyes meet mine in the dark, and they are beautiful. i can't believe how light they are, despite all the darkness. if i could decipher the words his eyes longed to clearly speak at the time, i would. but the language of his eyes comes out in a messy confusion of competing sounds. his left spoke pain, and his right spoke the opposite- whatever that is. one coaxed my body nearer, the other seemed to hold up its palm, halting me where i stood. i didn't know what to do, but i knew what i wished to do. suddenly our lips are touching.

in that same moment we become two stars floating in a black orb. i see saturn and earth and other far-off stars accompanying us. it is our own little universe in this universe. it is made of humidity and comfortable warmness that stretches and wraps around our star bodies for a limitless eternity.



i have this dream over and over and over. i feel like i am in love with a stranger. maybe something is wrong with me.

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Oct. 24th, 2009 | 08:51 pm

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Aug. 7th, 2006 | 12:45 am

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oh, tainted love.

Jun. 18th, 2003 | 08:38 pm

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i got a dress that makes me feel like a princess.

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